Bouncing the poopy out...

Carter always poops when my friend Mandy holds him. It's weird, but she just has that effect on him! Today, she was telling him to bounce the poopy out and he just thought that was the funniest thing. Sorry about the poor video quality. There was a glare from the window.

Carter's extra Brobee came today. He looked so confused when I showed him both at the same time...then it turned into a love fest!

"Can you believe it mom??
This is the best day of my life!"

I would also like to thank Sue Z for sponsoring me in the March for Babies! To help me out, you can visit my March of Dimes page here.

March for Babies

I am doing the 2009 March of Dimes March for Babies. I know these days the economy isn't great, so I completely understand that many families are unable to donate. I would like to ask that if you are in a position to sponsor my participation in this year's walk, please do so at my personal page. Thank you so much...if we can help even 1 family, it will all be worth it.

I just added the donation widget for the March for Babies to my blog. Scroll down and to the right of this page if you would like to give. Thanks again!

Happy St. Patty's Day!

Hope you all find the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. I know I have! I was lucky enough to have him strapped to my chest via BabyBjorn most of the day...except to take a pic of him in his festive attire.

Carter's 1st St. Patrick's Day

Update

We just got back from the pediatrician. Hold on...let me tell you about my situation first.

I have a medial tear. The doctor explained that after having a vaginal delivery, your skin stretches, making it thinner and weaker. In my case, not being able to feel my actual skin down there as well as most women, a small irritation resulted in an actual tear. It has already started healing, so he gave me the choice of attempting to stitch it and it not work, or continue letting it heal on its own. To avoid any more Autonomic Dysreflexia, I decided against the stitches. He sent me home with some Darvacet and told me to give it 2-3 weeks to heal fully.

As we were changing Carter's diaper in the OB's exam room, I noticed a giant rash on his tummy. I asked the OB what he thought and he said "Its Roseola. Totally viral. They're gonna send you home and give you nothing for it. Bet me." So, I decided to call the pedi...just in case. Guess what...it's viral. They sent us home with nothing. Go B-Rad.

So, now mommy and baby are right where they belong...snuggling on the couch watching Octo-mom on Dr. Phil. We've had a rough day.

On a lighter note...I wanted to share this picture with you. Whenever Carter isn't feeling well, or is tired or crying, all I have to do is put my nose to his nose and he closes his eyes and falls asleep. Every time, without fail. This is by far my favorite part of being Carter's mommy. I love the bond that we share and no matter how old he gets, I will always remember snuggling noses with him.

Off to the OB.

This post contains TMI. Read on if you want, but I clearly warned you.

I am getting ready to head out to the OB. Ever since I got my IUD, I have had excess amounts of discharge. At times, it almost looks as though I peed my pants...its that bad. This discharge has been causing little raw spots on my vagina. This weekend, I started getting symtoms of Autonomic Dysreflexia...which for someone with a Spinal Cord Injury is the body's response to extreme pain. I felt pain on my vagina as well, so I knew something was up. Sure enough, I have a tear. I honestly have no idea where it came from. It was fine on Thursday, and I haven't had sex since then, so it can't be that. I am in pain and at a loss for what it could be, so B-Rad wants to see me. I am fearing the worst...that the cause lies deeper than just the IUD. I am praying that it is something that can be fixed easy and prevented in the future. I am definetly having the IUD removed. My body has changed immensely since I got it and I just have a bad feeling about it.

Anyway, I will update as soon as I can. Please say a prayer for me.

Where'd my baby go?

My little bear on his way to the pediatrician.

Mr. Curious playing in his Bumbo.

As Carter grows, I find myself wondering where my little baby went. He is getting so big and is making such huge strides every day. I know my little 3 pound preemie is long gone...and I am so proud of him every day. He amazes me.

Carter had his 4 month well-visit this past Thursday. He weighs 12lbs 3oz (10-15 percentile) and is 25 inches long (15-25 percentile). He had to have 1 oral vaccine and 4 injected...but they put 2 in each syringe, so he escaped with only 2 shots. As he was laying on the table, I grabbed his little hand. He looked at me and laughed...as I smiled back, he began his non-sense baby talk. All of a sudden, he stopped and at the top of his lungs, yelled "Ma!" My friend Mandy had come with us so I didn't have to take him for shots alone. We both just looked at each other wide-eyed! She's like, "Did he just say what I think he said? He was looking right at you!" I am really still having a hard time believing it, but I'm pretty sure my little angel has said his first word!! I am still waiting to hear him say it again...it was the sweetest thing I have ever heard.

I just got done paying some bills and ordering a second Brobee for Carter. I am nervous because he threw up on Brobee yesterday, so I had to put him in the wash. Well, the black on his eyes started coming off. I'd color it back on, but Carter puts Brobee in his mouth, so I really can't. In the event of the eyes coming off completely and looking totally scary, I can just make a quick swap...hopefully Carter won't even notice. He and Brobee are inseparable these days, so I'd better have an extra in case of emergency. I'd hate to witness the meltdown that would result in Brobee and Carter being taken away from each other.

"Oh Brobee...what would we do without you??"

This weekend we are going to enjoy some family time. I'd love to pop Carter in the Bjorn and go for a walk if the sun stays out. My mom is making her famous Chicken Paprika today, so we are really looking forward to that. I believe the boys will be watching Syracuse in the Big East Tournament later on...so mommy will be enjoying a movie and some chocolate by herself. I love my boys to pieces, but I must say that my mommy time is something I enjoy, too. Things can get hectic around here. But at the end of the day, I look at my family and know just how blessed I really am!

A True Friend.

Last year, I was desperate to find other women going through my same situation. I can honestly say that I wouldn't be where I am today if I hadn't met Sarah at Gas Passer AKA UUer. I really can't remember how I found her blog, but I am so thankful to God that I did.

Having a Uterine Abnormality isn't really very common in the blog world...and definitely not in the offline world. When I found Sarah, I took comfort in knowing that I had someone who could relate to what I was going through. I got much more than that as we became friends. We both began our IVF cycles and talked daily, through our blogs or email. There were days when I wanted to turn back and give up, and her support (along with many others) gave me the strength I needed to get through. We both got our BFPs...and then the craziness began for us both...

Midway through both of our pregnancies, our uteruses (uteri?? uti??) began to turn on us. I began contracting at 5 months and my water broke at 31 weeks. Meanwhile, Sarah's contractions were full force and we were both admitted to the hospital. Sarah was placed on the world's most impossible diet and was on total hospital bedrest. She fought so hard for her baby girl, going through whatever it took to keep her safely inside. Her determination was amazing and it made me fight even harder for Carter.

After both our babies were born, we were faced with being NICU moms, which as many of you know, can be a roller coaster ride and bring you through every emotion humanly possible. Reading comments from my blog friends meant the world to me during this tough time...and commenting on every post, Sarah always had something to make me feel like everything was going to be ok...even when I thought it wouldn't.

When Brynn was in the NICU, Carter had already come home. I almost felt that my NICU days were still upon me as I read Sarah's posts about all of the ups and downs that her family was experiencing. I felt such relief when Brynn was released...and then she took a turn for the worse and ended up back in the hospital. I made it my mission to pray for Brynn's health as much as I possibly could. Sarah was a friend in need and I wanted to do for her what she had done for me when I needed it. Finally, the day had come and Brynn had been released...happy and healthy. She is such a strong girl and such a fighter. She absolutely got that from her mommy...and I am thankful to have been a part of their crazy ride!

Even now, as our little miracles grow, I look to Sarah when I have questions. I feel like I have known her all my life and she is one of my most trusted friends. As I was reading her blog today, I saw that she had mentioned me...and it brought tears to my eyes. Sarah, I wouldn't be the mom that I am if I had not witnessed all you went through. You gave me strength and an appreciation for the beautiful miracles in my life. Thank you.

Back to normal.

Our house is finally back to normal! Well, the floor people have to come back Monday to do the grout by the back door, but for the most part, we are done.

Living Room

Kitchen

Carter's Room

The pic of Carter's room was taken with my cell phone, that's why it is blurry. I will post pics of my room once it is painted and we get the new comforter put on the bed. Who knows when that will happen?? I am so glad the floors are all done. It was definitely a time consuming project, but it was worth it.

Everything is well in mommyhood. I think Carter is in the beginning phase of teething. He is drooling like crazy and everything that goes in his hands goes straight to the mouth. We got him a couple teethers and he seems to like chomping on them, so that is good. His favorite thing to put in his mouth is his Brobee. Then he apologizes with a snuggle.

I had my 4 month post baby OB appointment on Thursday. I didn't get my exam and pap because I had the flu this past week and still didn't trust all my bodily functions...ya know. I was like, "Look B-Rad. (His name is Brad...Steven nicknamed him.) I am advising you to not go anywhere near that particular region...its been a bit unpredictable." He agreed that we should wait until next month. Good idea. He is a bit concerned that the last period I had was when I got my IUD in December. He put me on Provera, which I am all too familiar with, and hopes that it will jump-start my hormones. I bet not. If not, he wants to do bloodwork to check my hormones. He really feels like I may be able to get pregnant on my own next time. How sweet would that be? I am not, nor will I ever be, convinced. I have too many cards stacked against me...but I will humor him. Before I left, he made me take a pregnancy test...just because I have missed 2 periods in a row. He laughed when I said "If that thing is positive, you may as well admit me now." Glad we can joke about my horrific delivery! So...next month, we will begin trying to figure out my body...pshhhh...did they ever find the Lost City of Atlantis? Bigfoot? The Lochness Monster? They did...right?

Anyway, we are just resting this weekend...after a crazy week. Hope you all are doing the same! Talk to you soon!!

This is where it all began...

Today marks the 1 year anniversary of my very first IVF injection. Last year on March 2, I started my cycle with Lupron. I will never forget that day. So many emotions went through my head as Steven gave me that first shot. I was excited, nervous, hopeful, relieved, and scared...among many other things.

If you would have told me that this is where I would be exactly one year later, I probably wouldn't have believed you. Yesterday, my beautiful baby boy turned 4 months old. He is growing and getting smarter every day. I can't begin to express in words the love I have for him. I see such a bright future when I look into his eyes and I feel honored and humbled that God has given me the huge responsibility of raising such a precious miracle. Carter is my world and I am just so thankful that things worked out exactly the way that they did. I wouldn't change one detail.

As for my night without Carter, I did suprisingly well. I didn't cry at all...but I did wake up every hour, expecting to hear him through the monitor. Steven and I were able to enjoy each other without interruption, so that was nice. I can't remember the last time I went to bed that early!!

The floors are still not done! The guys are here now working on them. There is a chunk in the kitchen that isn't done, then the whole 3rd bedroom. They are hoping that it will be done today, but said that they might have to finish up tomorrow. This went from being a 4 day project to taking over a week. I am so glad its almost over. I will post pictures when it is all done and the house is clean and back in order...if the end is even in sight!!

Carter's 1st Overnight

This is what's going on in my house right now...

The kitchen this morning.

The kitchen now.

Our room almost finished, with Carter's furniture
moved in so his room can be done.

Our floors are being torn out and replaced with hardwood. My mom took Carter for the day because I thought the noise would bother him. I needed to stay here with the floor guys in case they needed something. I didn't plan for all the dust that would be left behind. My mom asked me if I wanted her to keep Carter at my aunt's overnight so he doesn't have to breathe in all the nasty dust and gunk in the air. After automatically thinking "No way! I could never spend the night away from my baby!", I thought about how terrible his cough was when he was sick and how I never want to hear it again. The air in the house is actually bothering me! I have been coughing and I am so stuffy from all the dust floating around. Steven and I talked and decided it would be best for Carter not to be here until the floors are done. I was going to go stay there too, but the lift in my truck is broken and my mom can't lift me up into it. I wouldn't be able to get back by 9am to let the floor guys in. So, I packed jammies, diapers, formula, and wrote Carter a note telling him to be a good boy for Nana and that I love him.

Ugh...its gonna be a rough night! Please say a prayer that I make it through the night without driving over to get him!! Maybe Steven and I will have a nice romantic night alone. (Bow chicka wow wow!) I will post more pictures of the house tomorrow.

Carter's Dedication

We had Carter's dedication ceremony in NY this weekend. I was so proud of him. There is no feeling like that of dedicating your child's life to the Lord. We felt like it was important to do it at our church in NY because that is our true church family and we couldn't ask for better people to help us raise Carter in the word of God. We were married in their presence and it just seemed natural to take this next step with them. It was a beautiful ceremony and I will post pics as soon as I get them off my camera.

My mother-in-law took Carter to have professional photos done on Saturday. Here are a few of my faves...

Aren't they amazing?! As a gift to us, she purchased a wonderfully large package that should be here in a couple weeks.

We just got home a little while ago, so we are getting ready to hit the hay. I just fed Carter at 11:30...he never woke up to eat on the way home and hadn't eaten since 4:00! I am curious to see if he sleeps long tonight!

Giveaway...My Faves!

This is a really cool contest from Barking Mad. I am supposed to pick my most favorite posts and link them here. I could win a $250 Target gift card...which, let's face it, all new mothers would kill for! Plus, it seems like fun...

1. More Worried Than Relieved: This is where I posted my first positive pregnancy test ever!! I was certainly being cautious about getting too excited, but I was finally pregnant and I had never felt that kind of happiness!

2. How Awesome Is This??: I was so fortunate to capture this on video. Truly one of my favorite pregnant moments.

3. 100th Post...What I Have Learned: Life had changed from post #1 to post #100...and I wanted to thank everyone of my blogfamily members for being by my side the entire time.

4. Welcome Carter John!!: The day my life changed forever. Photos of my beautiful boy along with what I remembered of my birth story.

5. A Day In The Life...: I wanted to share my daily life as a disabled mother. I truly felt that I needed to put this out there for all my readers and any disabled women who didn't believe in themselves. To me, motherhood is so much more than the "mommy can'ts".

2 kids under 2...

Right now, I have one in diapers and one in Pull-ups. I know what you are thinking...how about a visual explanation...

Bianca is in heat. This is my brilliant attempt to save my furniture. They are Disney Princess!

Jumping up an appetite.

What a little heartbreaker we have on our hands!

"Hmm...this looks like it goes in my mouth!"

Carter is enjoying his new jumperoo. Although he is a bit short and has to stand on phonebooks, he just jumps away and is fascenated by all the colorful toys surrounding him. He enjoys spinning the little spinny-disc and making the lights and music come on when he jumps. I am amazed by him every time he is in it!

We are also officially giving him baby food every day! He loves it!! His favorites are peaches and pears. We give him about 1/3 of a jar at a time, along with a couple ounces of formula. At night, he gets baby food plus formula with cereal...he sleeps very well these days!

First time in his high chair.

This is what happens when the jar is empty.

And to think they used to refer to him as a "lazy eater"!

After lunch, he asked if he could ride the dog...
Who are we to say no??

We aren't the only ones who can't help but
kiss those adorable little lips!

UPDATE: (Answer to comment by JB) When we introduced solid food, we started with bananas...we use Beech-nut (Stage 1). We gave him a few bites before his bottle at bedtime for about a week. Then we moved it to 2 feedings per day. Now, we feed him the baby food 3 times per day with 2 ounces of formula. We just let him eat until he starts acting like he is full (spits food out, doesn't open his mouth, etc.) At first, he was confused about how to eat it, but got the hang of it after a few feedings. My big advice to you would be to always use a bib!!

Easy come, easy go.

We got our tax refund on Friday. It is just about gone. We went car shopping 1st thing Saturday morning and bought an 02 Nissan Sentra Spec-V. We spent more on it than I wanted to, but Steven has not had a car of his own since 2003ish. He has been using my car. Having 1 car between 2 people is nearly impossible, yet we have been doing it since I got the Escalade in 2005. Now that we have Carter, we need our own cars. He deserves it anyway. He is an amazing provider and should feel proud of that...what better to be proud of than a hot sports car! We pick it up tomorrow.

After the car dealer, we went to Gabriel Brothers because I got a hot tip earlier in the day that they had Juicy Couture clothes for cheap. By the time we got there, the selection had dwindled and the only sizes left would be tight on Carter. Luckily I found 1 velour top. I looked it up and it retails for $195...I paid $24. Not bad!

On to BRU. I know what you are thinking..."oh there goes the rest of her money." Well, if we spent more that 15 minutes in there, you'd be exactly right. We had to pick up Carter so my mom could go to work, so it was in-and-out. We got him his jumperoo and a second carseat base for the new car. Steven was all "He's not going to be able to use this jumperoo yet. Why are we getting it??" I kept trying to tell him that he can totally jump. Lo and behold, we put him and it and he loved it! I know my crazy baby!

Today we tried a new church. It was actually very cool. Totally modern and casual. Its exactly what we are looking for. I want to raise Carter in a church where he can feel that the people are his family. That is what we left in NY and what we have been looking for since we moved here in 2006. I have been listening to the podcast from our church in NY instead of going to church on Sundays because we just haven't fit in anywhere we've been in OH. The vibe I got today was great. People were just cool. One guy came up to me, gave me a little punch on the shoulder and said "how you doin' today babe?" It was just nice to feel like I already knew everyone. I look forward to going back.

I'm totally excited for mail this week! I ordered a "Teething Bling" necklace from smartmomjewelry.com. Carter has been putting random things in his mouth lately and drooling everywhere, so I think teething is in our near future. I saw one of the necklaces on Tori Spelling and said I wanted one. One day, I will have everything celebs have...and paparazzi will camp out in my back yard. Anyway...I can't wait to get it and review it for you guys. Seems like a great idea...so we'll give it a try!

OK, my little man is fussing in the Pack n Play. I'm sure he's pretty hungry. Hope everyone had a great Sunday. If you're in the mood for a great movie, I recommend "Fireproof" with Kirk Cameron. In my opinion, it should be manditory for married couples!

Feeling much better.

Carter is feeling much better. His cough is subsiding and he is acting himself again. That was certainly very rough for me. I hated seeing my angel so sick. Thankfully, the breathing treatments helped and the doctor said we can stop them tomorrow morning. This weekend should be much happier!

We put Carter in his new excersaucer today! At first, he was a little unsure, but once he started playing with the toys, he was just jumping and smiling away. It was so cute. He is getting so curious and so smart. I enjoyed watching him interact.

Carter taking a breathing treatment.

Making a new friend.

Hi...I'm Carter. What's your name?

We got our tax return, so tomorrow Steven and I are going car shopping. I will post pics of the new ride when we get it. Have a great weekend!

My poor baby.

Carter is sick. It started out with a dry cough on Friday and made for quite a miserable Super Bowl on Sunday...

The last 2 nights have been spent on the couch holding him as upright as I can while still being able to sleep. Most importantly, it keeps him comfortable. I called the pediatrician yesterday and they wanted to see him today. He has bronchiolitis. The doctor said it doesn't sound that bad and that it is totally normal for his age. She sent him home with a nebulizer and I have to do his treatment every 8 hours. Ironically, it is the only thing that calms him. Apparently, most babies hate it because they could not believe how still and calm he was during the whole thing.

I can't help but feel a little bit at fault. I am his mom and my job is to keep him healthy. I know that there was nothing I could've done, but I just feel awful. The poor thing will cough then smile...it breaks my heart to see such a happy innocent little angel so sick. I am thankful that he is taking things better today than he was on Sunday. I just want him to feel better.

We follow up with the pedi on Thursday...until then, mommy and Carter will be snuggling on the couch. Have I mentioned how much I love being his mom??

3 months.

Carter is 3 months old today! He is growing so fast. I am truly priviledged to be his mommy and to be there for each and every special moment in his life.

We started him on rice cereal this week and I must say the nights have been so much better! We put a tablespoon into his bottle before bedtime and we have almost doubled our sleeping time! He wakes up about every 5 and a half hours. It is kind of weird waking up on my own, looking at the clock, and falling back to sleep!

We also switched his formula from NeoSure to Similac Sensitive. It seems to agree with him. No major gas incidents. My baby is just growing up so fast! Looking at him, you'd never be able to tell he was a preemie. He is out of preemie clothes, done with preemie formula, and weighs over 10 pounds! I am such a proud mommy and I have a blast with him every day!

Yesterday, a man at Steven's work brought us an almost brand new excersaucer! We tried Carter in it but he is still a bit small. We packed him in with a blanket, but his arms are too short to reach the toys...I give it a few more weeks. They also sent us a bunch of baby food that their baby no longer needs. I may let him try a bit in a couple weeks, since he is getting so much stronger. He definetly loves to eat and is doing well with the rice cereal, so we will see! Every day is an adventure.

We are pretty darn excited about the big game this weekend! Tomorrow I am going out to get all the decorations for our party. I can't wait! I go all out whenever I decorate my house. Right now, I have my Valentine's Day decor up, so that will come down for the weekend. I will be sure to post pics of all the festivities...especially my infamous Super Bowl sign. I make one every year. I'm no artist, but I work very hard on it and I'm usually quite proud!

Now I'm off to get the invitations to Carter's dedication ready to go. I have a few addresses left to write out. Fun fun!! Have a good night!

Happy Belated...

I would just like to say "Happy belated blogoversary" to me! As of last Thursday, my blog is 1 year old. I just want to thank you all for following my journey and for keeping me sane. I would have never made it this far without your prayer and positive comments. I remember my very 1st post...the day we decided to give IVF a try. I never thought in as million years that this is where I would be just one year later. I am truly blessed.

Things at home have been great! Carter is just a bundle of smiles and laughter and we are really enjoying how he has been interacting with us. He is becoming more independent...wanting to sit in his swing by himself just looking around. He also enjoys laying on the floor under his little gym that he got from Nana for Christmas. The other day, he just reached up and grabbed ahold of one of the toys, making it light up and play music! My baby is growing up.

Well, Carter has hiccups, so I am going to go give him a bit of water. I find that it really helps. Hope you had a great weekend!

Smooth sailing...for now!

Yesterday was an awesome day! Carter was a little cranky in the morning, but ended up being totally happy for the rest of the day. He was in his swing and was making noises...I assumed he was fussing. I looked over and he was staring at Bianca, laughing! It was so cute! Apparently he thinks she's pretty funny. He was awake for most of the day, but wasn't cranky and really just wanted to chill by himself in the swing or bouncer. He was very curious, looking all around. He even watched part of the inauguration! We may have a future president on our hands!!

My phone came yesterday! It is really cool!! I have already had to charge it twice because I have been playing with it whenever I have free arms. We rented "Max Payne" (because Mark Wahlberg is yummy!) and I even played with it through the whole movie. It has so many features to learn! It even has a program where you can scan barcodes and it will list prices for that product so you know where to get it for cheap! That is a shopaholic's dream!

Well, I am off to eat and shower. Steven stayed home from work today, so that gives me a chance to take care of personal stuff...yes!! I'm so excited to stay in the shower until there is no more hot water!! Ahhh!!

A day in the life...

As requested...and well deserved since you all listen to me complain about how tough things are...here is a "typical" day in the life of a disabled mother. Some things may be TMI...but I want you all to know who I am.

Steven wakes me around 6:30am. He carries me from the bed to the couch because as Carter grows, I feel more and more unstable holding him while in my chair. I have limited trunk control and sometimes feel like lifting his weight causes me to lean forward too much. So, depending on what time Carter ate last, Steven will prepare a "just in case" bottle and burp cloth, along with other necessities (phone, pacifier, seahorse, tv remote), and put Carter on the couch with me...I usually hold him on my Boppy. Its hard to pick him up from his lounger on the couch because of my balance issues. When he weighed 4 pounds, it was a piece of cake...now he is much bigger and harder to scoop up with one arm, since I need the other to stabilize myself. I also have limited fine motor movement, so my fingers don't work well. My fingers on my left hand hyperextend, while my right fingers are kind of closed. Steven leaves us for work at 7 and Carter and I are on our own until my nurse arrives at 8.

By law, my nurse is not allowed to touch Carter or anything that has to do with him. I will not comment on her level of involvement with him, but lets just say I'm pretty much on my own. She helps me a lot, but I help him. I am very thankful that she is my friend as well as my nurse. She picks me up when I get down on myself. She always tells me not to second guess the way I take care of Carter...that I do a great job. That means a lot coming from someone who sees it first hand.

My mom comes home from work at 9, but usually goes to bed right away because she just got done with a 12 hour shift. I hate waking her, but I am unable to change Carter's diapers because I can't close my hands to hold his feet up and wipe, so I need help with that.

I do all of Carter's feedings and have figured out how to maneuver him up on my shoulder to burp. That may not seem like a lot, but for me it was a huge feat that I was very proud of. In the meantime, if I need help with my own care (bathroom, shower, etc.) I have to wait until I can either put Carter down or my mom can take him. My needs often can't be met because I can't just put him down and pick him up as I want...I have to wait for help.

At 4:00, my nurse leaves and Steven arrives home. I continue to feed Carter and try to keep him occupied so Steven can relax or go on the computer. Evenings are much easier because he can relieve me if I need it or help with Carter if he needs something. If its bath night, Steven does that. This is very hard for me because I desperately want to be involved in things like that, but it is just not safe for me to be holding Carter while he is all slippery...my fingers don't work enough to know that I have a good grip on him.

We try to get to bed around 11pm. Steven carries me to bed and goes to put Carter in his crib...also something I long to do. I'd give anything to rock my baby to sleep, put him in his crib, and tip-toe out. Instead, I lay in bed and listen through the baby monitor as Steven tucks him in and kisses him good-night.

Steven is a pretty hard sleeper, so when Carter wakes at night, I wake him and he gets up to change and feed the baby. I usually lie awake until he comes back, then we fall back to sleep together. 6:30 rolls back around and we start all over.

I am not posting this for anyone to feel bad or sorry for me. I love my life and I am thankful for what I have...but the reality is that it can be tough. Some days are great and some days aren't. The bottom line is that no matter how bad it gets, it could always be worse. Most women in my situation believe they shouldn't be mothers and never get to experience what I do every day. God gave me the use of my arms...so I can hold and feed my baby. I can hug and kiss him all I want...and that is what being a mom is all about. I'm so blessed.

What a day, what a day.

Today Carter decided that he didn't want to hang out with me. Despite every effort to make him happy, he just cried and screamed and tried to wiggle his way out of my arms. It was awful. It kinda hurt my feelings. I honestly feel like he's mad at me.

The morning started out very good. I woke up and he had already been fed and was all smiles when Steven handed him over to me. We played and laughed for at least 45 minutes before he started getting cranky. At first, it was just a little fussing...that turned into crying...that turned into full on meltdowns every 5 minutes. I had to re-adjust him to make sure he wasn't scrunched and hurting. He was crying like he was in pain. He didn't seem to have gas and he pooped just fine, so I had no remedies to fix it. I felt helpless and sad that just being cuddled by me wasn't enough.

Steven got home and as soon as I handed Carter over, he stopped crying. That was like a twist of the knife. I assume it is because I can't walk him around, but that is just one more thing to add to the list of "Mommy can'ts". It sucks when you know what your baby needs but you can't help them. Even though I tried preparing myself for times like this before he arrived, I didn't realize how hard it would be. I am so thankful that I have a husband that takes on all of the things I can't.

On a brighter note, I saved us a ton of money by making the invitations to Carter's dedication ceremony by myself. I Googled "baptism invitations" and saved one of the sample ones and added my own stuff to it. They turned out way cute! All I have to do is get card stock to print it on, then I am going to attach a blue piece to the back and hot glue a bow to the top and voila! They will look pretty professional. I need to get this show on the road...they need to be printed and sent by next Sunday. His dedication is going to be in NY at the church we were married at. We still consider that to be our "church family" and want to share this special day with all of them.

Well...I had a rough day so I think I'll be going to bed soon. I am whooped and could really use a good night's sleep...we'll see if Carter will allow it!!

Could this be considered child abuse??

As a Browns fan, I was both saddened and embarrassed by daddy's choice of outfit for Carter today. I guess I'll let it slide since the Browns season is over. I'm guessing Carter is drunk again because he's a Browns fan and we don't smile while wearing a Steelers shirt.

Mr. Smiles

Carter started smiling socially last week and I wanted to share the joy that I get to see every day. He is such a beautiful and happy baby. I am so blessed to be his mommy.

Steven and I went on a date last night! My mom watched Carter while we went to Red Lobster. It was awesome and so yummy! We went out with another couple...it was nice to be around other adults. Since I am no longer breastfeeding, I decided to have a beer...which I got drunk off of! Its not too surprising since I have not had a drink since last March!!

We also went to Babies R Us because Carter needed some new clothes. He is fitting comfortably into newborn clothes and we just didn't get enough for him. We got him 2 sleepers, a fleece hoodie and pants, and jeans with a matching shirt.


He's just so cute!! Anyway, it was a fun night and I fully enjoyed it, but was also glad to get back home to my baby. Today, we are just lounging and ordering wings from Wing Street. I think its going to be our weekend ritual since "we" are on that no "fast food" diet, LOL!

We also got new phones today. Well, we ordered them...they're on their way. I am a huge gadget nut, so getting a new phone is like another birthday for me. Steven and I both decided on the G1. Its the phone made by Google. It is supposed to be comparable to the iPhone, so I am really excited to get my hands on it! It has so many cool features...and Google makes Blogger, so blogging should be pretty easy straight from the phone. I will surely write a review when it gets here!!

Hope you all have a great weekend!

Mommy's little tax deduction.

Did you know that no matter what month you have your baby in, you get to claim them on your taxes for the entire year?? Umm...wow! What a nice surprise! We will be able to start a nice savings for Carter in 8-15 days, LOL!

Oh yeah, the milk. I almost forgot about the milk. My boobs are starting to feel full after 3 days of no pumping...not bad! I think my theory of "if it hurts, get it out." really worked! The cabbage relieved the pain for the first couple of days and then I just did what I needed to do. The main thing to remember for all of you who asked for tips on drying up is that comfort is the most important thing. Just relieve the pain when you can't handle it and be patient!

Well, its Carter's bathtime, then its a bottle and bedtime! Hope you all have a great night!!

Finally...something that works!!

Please excuse my lack of make-up in the pictures...I'm a mom. Anyway...I looooooove the BabyBjorn!!!!!! Being disabled, things always work differently for me than they do for everyone else. Normally it is for the worse. When I put on the carrier, I was amazed! We are both very comfortable and I feel like Carter is secure enough for me to not have my hands on him like I did when he was in the sling. It was easy to put on and it seems to be very supportive. Honestly, I think I have finally found that one item I can't live without. I give it 5 stars and 2 thumbs up! I totally recommend it to any new mom who would love to have their hands back!

My BabyBjorn.

I just got my babybjorn today! I haven't used it yet because Carter has been in his swing...all day - - yes!! LOL, I put him down and he is OK with it!!!! You can imagine my excitement!

Carter had his Synagis this morning. The new nurse was very cool and she helped us figure out a few tricks for when Carter's gas hurts him. When she gave him the shot, he cried so hard. He is usually so tough, so I knew it really hurt. After that, he fell asleep in my arms until it was time to eat. I fed him and he cried so I put him in his swing and he watched Yo Gabba Gabba and fell asleep. My poor baby!

I am going to get some housework done. I'll post about the carrier as soon as we use it!

UPDATE: As far as the gas tips...she listened to Carter and said "he is definitely gassy from reflux." She said he was showing what is known as Strydor and said to hold him vertically, facing out with your hand holding his belly. He was crying and she showed me...he immediately stopped! She said all 3 of her kids had colic and something about that hold just makes everything better. I am going to try him facing out in the babybjorn and just support him a little extra...to mimic this hold. Hopefully it will be easy for me in my wheelchair.

Chugging along...

I am still going strong with no BFing...well technically I am still BFing because Carter still gets what I have in the refrigerator. I think we have 3 or 4 bags left now. I didn't pump at all yesterday and finally gave in around noon today. I only pumped about 5 or 6 oz total...I went for a little over 10 minutes...just until the pain subsided. Personally, I don't think that is bad for 2 days without pumping! I am feeling pretty good about it.

Today was supposed to be a productive day, but thanks to the world of Internet gaming, its been a pretty lazy day. Steven plays World of Warcraft with his brothers online. Now, I completely understand it is a way for them to connect across the miles (they're both in NY), but I miss hanging out with my husband. Since I have Carter all day, Steven does night feedings to give me a break. During the week he gets home from work and is so tired that we don't really hang out. On the weekends, he is pretty much on the computer non-stop, talking to his brothers on the phone the entire time. He always pauses if I need help with something, but goes right back. Its cool that he has a hobby and can connect with his family in this way because he and his brothers have always been so close...but what about this family? The computer is literally 20 feet from the couch, where I am usually sitting, but I couldn't feel further away when hes online.

Another thing that I hate is that he gets so into it that stuff doesn't get done in a timely fashion and I end up looking like the nag. The house will be messy until right before bedtime tonight. He'll blow through all of it then. My mom came in from work this morning and said she had gotten stuck in the driveway because of all the snow. We have a snowblower, but Steven was playing with his brothers last night and never got around to it. My mom doesn't do any of that stuff...I don't really know why. She'll just complain until I nag him enough to get it done. We are out of dog food and Steven has to go out and get more at some point. Bailey doesn't eat dog food, so he has already been fed, but Bianca is going to wonder where her dinner is shortly if he doesn't get with it! It sucks that the only person willing to do these things now is a) completely physically unable, and b) taking care of a baby. I just feel like I am stuck. I can't do it...and I can't get anyone else to either. OK...I am done venting about that! I know it will get done at the last minute tonight as it always does...so I should just be happy.

Carter gets his Synagis tomorrow. The nurse is coming at 11am. I hate when he has to get shots. I think I cry more than he does!! I also hate that they do it at home. This is supposed to be the safe place! My mom gets home from work at 9:30, so maybe she will hold him this time. I thought I could handle doing it last time...and I was wrong! This is his 3rd shot of 6. If our insurance pays for it, he will get 12. I hope it does because RSV is nothing to mess with. He had such a rough start. I just want him to be healthy now.

Well, Steven is off the computer and is now snuggling with Carter on the couch. At least I know that no matter what dumb hobby comes along, he is always going to be World's Best Dad! That's all that should matter. A clean driveway and a quiet mother are just luxuries!

I'm so confused...

OK, I am confused. I bound myself with Ace wraps. I put cabbage in my bra. I made it to 2pm yesterday until I felt like I was going to die...

Today I didn't do any of those things and I haven't pumped yet. It is 7:42pm. I am not even feeling full. I think maybe my pumping twice a day for the past week finally kicked in. I pumped once a day Thursday and yesterday...so I might be doing OK. I only want to pump when I am in pain, so I think I will let sleeping dogs lie. I will just put an extra pad in my bra tonight...maybe I won't leak much.

Carter's pacifiers came today. So far, so good! He took an hour nap earlier and it never fell out, which usually would wake him up right away. He had a hurty fart earlier and managed to keep the paci in for the cringe at the beginning and the 10 second cry at the end! Then he just resumed sucking on it like nothing happened! So, I give the Gumdrop Pacifier 2 thumbs up!

OK...we are expecting our delivery from Wing Street any minute. Steven's New Year's resolution was to eat no fast food. Please don't tell him pizza and wings would be considered "fast food"...otherwise I will starve to death!!

In the meantime...Carter is watching Noggin. I swear that's the face he makes when any show with vibrant colors comes on. If we turn it, he cries!

(He's playing a memory game that came on between Backyardigans and WonderPets. He totally knew where the pink flowers were!)

I caved.

I pumped at 2 o' clock. I was in excruciating pain and leaking everywhere. I am going to pump once or twice a day for the next week to lower my supply more, then try again. The cabbage worked well for the engorgement...definitely made it less painful, but I think I could lower my supply a bit first to lessen the leakage and the engorgement. Why not? Right??

What's all over your shirt??

Day 2 of drying up is upon me. I made the misake of taking no precautions before bed last night. At Carter's 1st feeding, I was just a bit moist, but nothing to worry about. When we woke up at 6:30, I was pretty much soaked from my neck to my waist. So, I cleaned up and started with the old binding and cabbage routine. It feels good...but smells awful! I guess I left it on too long because I just leaked through, and I was wearing breast pads under my ace wrap! It's gonna be a long couple of weeks for me!

Carter is crying, so I will wrap this up. Hope you all have a great weekend!

Hey Carter...WAKE UP!!

Carter had another sleepy day. He literally slept most of the day. Right through a play date with my friend's little boy, Brady. He is finally up now but we just gave him his Gripe Water so he's drunk again in his swing. I'm thinking of calling Dr. Drew for this addiction. He's only 2 months old and already needs rehab!

I am going to stop pumping. I beat myself up about stopping long enough...I am done. Feeding my baby has become a chore...and I don't want that. I feel like we will bond better if I don't have to endure something I hate just to sort-of fill the bottle I'm giving him. I brought him from 3.14 to 8.11...and I feel very good about that. My milk supply isn't where it needs to be and Carter latches when he feels like it. He got a great latch earlier but when I switched breasts, it took about 15-20 minutes to latch again. In a way, I feel like I'm giving up...but I know I took it as long as I could and I am OK with ending it on a good note...a note just short of 9 pounds!

So I am calling the OB tomorrow about drying up. 2 months was a good run but the relief of not lactating will feel so good and I will have that much more time to enjoy my precious angel. No more engorgement or leaking...ahh!!

2 months and 4 shots.

Carter had his 2 month well visit today with the pediatrician. He was weighed there last week and was 8lbs 1oz...so I wasn't expecting too much of a change. Well...if you call 10oz not much of a change!! Yes that's right. Carter weighs 8lbs 11oz!! He gained so much in 7 days! He is now 21 inches long. Last month he was 18 in.

The doctor said he is gaining great and is in the 3rd percentile for full-term babies! Only 1 more month of the NeoSure and we can switch to Similac Sensitive!! She did admit that it could be the cause of his gas...finally! I will try to continue as she wants, but if the Gripe Water stops working, I'm throwing in the towel. Carter's comfort is a big priority to me. Anyway, she is very pleased with everything. She even mentioned how small his hernia is. That made me feel very relieved.

He also had his 2 month shots. He had 4 injections and 1 oral medicine. He screamed from the oral and only cried for a few seconds after the actual shots! I cried longer than he did!! He was such a little champ. Now, we just have to get through his Synagis on Monday. Yuck!

Overall it was a good appointment. Carter has been sleeping pretty much all day. He woke up twice to eat and get his Tylenol, but other than that, he's out cold. It's kinda nice to have some down time to check in here and to watch TV. Now if I could just get my husband to relax right next to me...

I'd like to thank the Academy...

Thank you so much Tina!!

I have been given the both the Kreativ Blogger and Lemonade Awards! I am supposed to pass these on to 6 other bloggers who show "attitude and gratitude", so here are just a few of the girls I owe my sanity to...

• Sara at Gas Passer AKA UUer
• Tara at A Run For My Money
• Jen at Here We Go Again
• Lisa at My Journey Through Infertility
• Sully at Musings Of A Barren-ess
• S.E. at Riding The Roller Coaster
  

My drunk baby!?

To the advice given by my fellow blogger (and supermom) Tina, I just gave Carter his 1st dose of Gripe Water. I must say he finally seems happy and is acting completely euphorically drunk! He's just staring and smiling! I am crossing my fingers and toes that we have finally found our remedy for Carter's hurty farts!!

Thank you all for your encouraging words yesterday. I just felt so helpless. I know every mother has their days, but I didn't realize how bad it could be. I am now feeling much better and I am ready to take each day head-on...good, bad, or ugly! That's what motherhood is all about and I am just thankful that I am blessed enough to know!

Losing control...

Sometimes I feel like I am the worst mother. Today Carter is having a bad day. We've tried everything we can think of to fix it. I am pretty sure he has what I call "hurty farts"...which is just my fancy way of saying "painful gas". We just got him down for a nap but I know he'll be up soon to eat again. I am dreading it. Yeah, I totally want to pump him full of my "poisoned" breastmilk and give him even more gas.

Ever since we cut down breastmilk and started adding formula, he's been less gassy. Whatever is in my milk that is so awful for him is what makes his tummy hurt so bad. I've tried everything and can't figure out what it is that I eat that disagrees with him. I feel like its just me. I wanted nothing more than to continue working with him to latch on, but I just can't subject him to 100% breastmilk. Not unless I can think of whatever needs to be removed from my diet. I wonder if caffeine could do it?!

I guess I just feel bad that I'd rather have a sleeping baby. When he's asleep, he doesn't cry. We've cashed out close to 2 bottles of Mylicon now. It helps, but not totally. I'm going to ask the doctor what she can do at his appointment on Tuesday. One thing I know I'm going to do is switch him from NeoSure to Similac Sensitive. That should help a bit.

Is it normal to feel like a bad mom sometimes? I feel like he likes Steven better because he doesn't cry as much for him. Its not because he's with him less because he is a very involved dad. He does the majority of Carter's care.

OK...we have crying. Me and Seahorse are going to tackle this one. I'll be back! Pray for me!

That was easy...

As I was trying to reflect on the past year of my blogging life, only one title really fits. From getting pregnant at all...to having a perfect baby 7 weeks early, I am blessed to have beaten the odds and will continue to do it until the day the good Lord brings me home! So...here it is.

Beating The Odds.

A blog by any other name...

I'm thinking of changing my blog's name...the IVF part of IVFing Life is long gone now. I don't want a whole new blog...just a change, as my life has changed. It will probably take awhile for me to pick the perfect new name, but I think I'm going to go ahead and do it.

I just ordered a few Gumdrop Pacifiers. I hear they are better than the Soothies that Carter loves so much. I will be sure to post about them when they arrive. I am crossing my fingers because I think the round shape of the Soothie makes it pop out of his mouth easier...and he really gets upset when he's sucking away and all of a sudden his binky is gone! Poor guy!!

Today's mission of figuring out my new sling was shot down by a very cranky baby that turned into a very sleepy baby. I anticipate a very hungry baby very soon...to be followed by a very tired mommy that is not interested in the least with wearing her baby or anything else other than a comfy pair of fleece pants and a hoodie. Ugh...motherhood! I love it though!!

2008.

2008 was an amazing year for me. On March 2nd, I started Lupron for my very 1st IVF cycle. A month and a half later, on my birthday, we found out that we were finally pregnant! April through July were spent throwing up...literally! I was sick 24/7. There were even times when I thought pregnancy was a bad idea, but I never took my eye off the prize. I knew that I was holding my baby boy in my belly and that he needed me to be strong. Eventually the sickness subsided...and on came the contractions!

I began having contractions in August. I was in and out of L&D...thankfully no baby yet. On October 19th, my water broke while in NY for my baby showers. I was admitted to L&D for the duration on October 24th.

October 29, 2008 was by far the best day of my entire life. That was the day my precious son was born. At 8:46am, Carter John Butchino made his entrance into the world weighing 3 pounds, 14 ounces. Although he wasn't due for another 7 weeks, he was perfect and healthy and I couldn't have been more proud! 2 weeks later, he was released from the hospital and we have been the happiest family ever since! I love my boys more each day.

2008 had its ups and downs, but when all is said and done, it was the best year of my life. I finally have the family I have always dreamed of and I have never been happier. I just can't wait to see what 2009 brings our way!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

Another Dr visit...

Carter went to the pedi today. Last night, we noticed that his belly button looked funny...it was sticking out. It went away and then came back again this morning. I called the office and they told me to bring him in.

Due to the fact that he has been straining with all the gas he's had and that he doesn't poop very regularly, he has an umbilical hernia. It is common in preemies because their abdominal muscles do not develop the same way as a full term baby. Basically, as the doctor put it, its his "guts" pushing through into his belly button. Yum! Anyway, in most cases it clears itself up by age 2 and will not need surgery. Most importantly, it does not hurt him at all.

On a lighter note, my big boy weighs 8 pounds, 1 ounce! We must be doing something right!! Please pray that he keeps gaining and that his hernia clears up quickly. Prayer always helps!

Carter has a best friend already...his Soothe and Glow Seahorse. There are many times when he will not fall asleep without it. We also use it to stop him from crying when he gets upset. At one point, the seahorse was bigger than Carter, yet he insisted that it be where he could cuddle up to it before falling asleep. Before napping the other day, my poor baby was having trouble sleeping because he had very bad gas. The doctors told me all I could do was try my best to soothe him and get him relaxed. So I did the one thing I knew would help...and Carter and his seahorse slept soundly in the swing. They even decided to cuddle.

An amazing holiday.

My Santa Baby.

Our 1st family Christmas photo.

Best buddies.

Hello! I hope you all had a wonderful holiday. We certainly did! Christmas eve was Carter's 1st night in his crib...I was a basketcase and got no sleep. I even heard Santa putting gifts under the tree! Christmas morning was spent at home with our new baby boy. We bought Carter the Ocean Wonders mobile with remote. No more getting out of bed to rewind his mobile! We are also starting a savings account for him. My mom went completely overboard on Carter...and on us!! I got a ton of clothes and make-up (much needed) and Steven got a bluetooth (finally joining the millenium) and a new ladder, among other things. She is also redecorating our bedroom for us as a gift! We spent so much time and money on the nursery that we never even painted our room. It will be so nice to have somewhere cozy to go to bed! Steven also got me my mother's ring. It is an Opal which is Carter's birthstone, surrounded by Diamonds and Tanzanite (my 2 favorite gems!) What a sweet hubby!

We decided to go to NY on Christmas and surprise our families. After an amazing dinner (thanks mom!), we took off. We spent that night at Steven's mom's house and then went to my dad's on Friday. He got us all football jerseys, Carter included. Steven got a Steelers jersey and Carter and I got matching Brady Quinns! My dad is also a Browns fan! He was just so wonderful with his new grandson...what a proud papa! We woke up Saturday morning to Carter getting his bath! It was cute, but my dad was almost clueless!! Nonetheless, they got through it together!!

Saturday, we went to a party that was being thrown for Steven's uncle that lives in Australia. Him and his wife just had twins and this was their 1st time in the states. Once again, it was so cool to be the proud mommy introducing Carter to everyone! I enjoy it so much!! After the party, we had Christmas with my father in law, who was up from NC.

Sunday was Carter's 1st day in church. We brought him to our former church, the one we were married at. The people there are all so wonderful and I love them like my own family. It was so nice to introduce them to the miracle they spent hours praying for. What a true blessing that was!

We are now home and trying to unpack. Steven's youngest brother came with us for the week. I'm sure we'll have a fun time! He will be here for New Year's, which is awesome. Tomorrow we are all going to spend our gift cards that we got for Christmas...BRU here I come!!

Our Christmas weekend was just amazing. I am sure that I will never forget it. I truly have the best gift in the world...a family that I can love for many Christmases to come!

HO HO HO!

Hope you all have a Merry Christmas!

God Bless!

Christmas par-tay!!

We had our family Christmas party yesterday. Not much to blog about, but I wanted to share this...

Isn't he the cutest ever??