3 months.

Carter is 3 months old today! He is growing so fast. I am truly priviledged to be his mommy and to be there for each and every special moment in his life.

We started him on rice cereal this week and I must say the nights have been so much better! We put a tablespoon into his bottle before bedtime and we have almost doubled our sleeping time! He wakes up about every 5 and a half hours. It is kind of weird waking up on my own, looking at the clock, and falling back to sleep!

We also switched his formula from NeoSure to Similac Sensitive. It seems to agree with him. No major gas incidents. My baby is just growing up so fast! Looking at him, you'd never be able to tell he was a preemie. He is out of preemie clothes, done with preemie formula, and weighs over 10 pounds! I am such a proud mommy and I have a blast with him every day!

Yesterday, a man at Steven's work brought us an almost brand new excersaucer! We tried Carter in it but he is still a bit small. We packed him in with a blanket, but his arms are too short to reach the toys...I give it a few more weeks. They also sent us a bunch of baby food that their baby no longer needs. I may let him try a bit in a couple weeks, since he is getting so much stronger. He definetly loves to eat and is doing well with the rice cereal, so we will see! Every day is an adventure.

We are pretty darn excited about the big game this weekend! Tomorrow I am going out to get all the decorations for our party. I can't wait! I go all out whenever I decorate my house. Right now, I have my Valentine's Day decor up, so that will come down for the weekend. I will be sure to post pics of all the festivities...especially my infamous Super Bowl sign. I make one every year. I'm no artist, but I work very hard on it and I'm usually quite proud!

Now I'm off to get the invitations to Carter's dedication ready to go. I have a few addresses left to write out. Fun fun!! Have a good night!

Happy Belated...

I would just like to say "Happy belated blogoversary" to me! As of last Thursday, my blog is 1 year old. I just want to thank you all for following my journey and for keeping me sane. I would have never made it this far without your prayer and positive comments. I remember my very 1st post...the day we decided to give IVF a try. I never thought in as million years that this is where I would be just one year later. I am truly blessed.

Things at home have been great! Carter is just a bundle of smiles and laughter and we are really enjoying how he has been interacting with us. He is becoming more independent...wanting to sit in his swing by himself just looking around. He also enjoys laying on the floor under his little gym that he got from Nana for Christmas. The other day, he just reached up and grabbed ahold of one of the toys, making it light up and play music! My baby is growing up.

Well, Carter has hiccups, so I am going to go give him a bit of water. I find that it really helps. Hope you had a great weekend!

Smooth sailing...for now!

Yesterday was an awesome day! Carter was a little cranky in the morning, but ended up being totally happy for the rest of the day. He was in his swing and was making noises...I assumed he was fussing. I looked over and he was staring at Bianca, laughing! It was so cute! Apparently he thinks she's pretty funny. He was awake for most of the day, but wasn't cranky and really just wanted to chill by himself in the swing or bouncer. He was very curious, looking all around. He even watched part of the inauguration! We may have a future president on our hands!!

My phone came yesterday! It is really cool!! I have already had to charge it twice because I have been playing with it whenever I have free arms. We rented "Max Payne" (because Mark Wahlberg is yummy!) and I even played with it through the whole movie. It has so many features to learn! It even has a program where you can scan barcodes and it will list prices for that product so you know where to get it for cheap! That is a shopaholic's dream!

Well, I am off to eat and shower. Steven stayed home from work today, so that gives me a chance to take care of personal stuff...yes!! I'm so excited to stay in the shower until there is no more hot water!! Ahhh!!

A day in the life...

As requested...and well deserved since you all listen to me complain about how tough things are...here is a "typical" day in the life of a disabled mother. Some things may be TMI...but I want you all to know who I am.

Steven wakes me around 6:30am. He carries me from the bed to the couch because as Carter grows, I feel more and more unstable holding him while in my chair. I have limited trunk control and sometimes feel like lifting his weight causes me to lean forward too much. So, depending on what time Carter ate last, Steven will prepare a "just in case" bottle and burp cloth, along with other necessities (phone, pacifier, seahorse, tv remote), and put Carter on the couch with me...I usually hold him on my Boppy. Its hard to pick him up from his lounger on the couch because of my balance issues. When he weighed 4 pounds, it was a piece of cake...now he is much bigger and harder to scoop up with one arm, since I need the other to stabilize myself. I also have limited fine motor movement, so my fingers don't work well. My fingers on my left hand hyperextend, while my right fingers are kind of closed. Steven leaves us for work at 7 and Carter and I are on our own until my nurse arrives at 8.

By law, my nurse is not allowed to touch Carter or anything that has to do with him. I will not comment on her level of involvement with him, but lets just say I'm pretty much on my own. She helps me a lot, but I help him. I am very thankful that she is my friend as well as my nurse. She picks me up when I get down on myself. She always tells me not to second guess the way I take care of Carter...that I do a great job. That means a lot coming from someone who sees it first hand.

My mom comes home from work at 9, but usually goes to bed right away because she just got done with a 12 hour shift. I hate waking her, but I am unable to change Carter's diapers because I can't close my hands to hold his feet up and wipe, so I need help with that.

I do all of Carter's feedings and have figured out how to maneuver him up on my shoulder to burp. That may not seem like a lot, but for me it was a huge feat that I was very proud of. In the meantime, if I need help with my own care (bathroom, shower, etc.) I have to wait until I can either put Carter down or my mom can take him. My needs often can't be met because I can't just put him down and pick him up as I want...I have to wait for help.

At 4:00, my nurse leaves and Steven arrives home. I continue to feed Carter and try to keep him occupied so Steven can relax or go on the computer. Evenings are much easier because he can relieve me if I need it or help with Carter if he needs something. If its bath night, Steven does that. This is very hard for me because I desperately want to be involved in things like that, but it is just not safe for me to be holding Carter while he is all slippery...my fingers don't work enough to know that I have a good grip on him.

We try to get to bed around 11pm. Steven carries me to bed and goes to put Carter in his crib...also something I long to do. I'd give anything to rock my baby to sleep, put him in his crib, and tip-toe out. Instead, I lay in bed and listen through the baby monitor as Steven tucks him in and kisses him good-night.

Steven is a pretty hard sleeper, so when Carter wakes at night, I wake him and he gets up to change and feed the baby. I usually lie awake until he comes back, then we fall back to sleep together. 6:30 rolls back around and we start all over.

I am not posting this for anyone to feel bad or sorry for me. I love my life and I am thankful for what I have...but the reality is that it can be tough. Some days are great and some days aren't. The bottom line is that no matter how bad it gets, it could always be worse. Most women in my situation believe they shouldn't be mothers and never get to experience what I do every day. God gave me the use of my arms...so I can hold and feed my baby. I can hug and kiss him all I want...and that is what being a mom is all about. I'm so blessed.

What a day, what a day.

Today Carter decided that he didn't want to hang out with me. Despite every effort to make him happy, he just cried and screamed and tried to wiggle his way out of my arms. It was awful. It kinda hurt my feelings. I honestly feel like he's mad at me.

The morning started out very good. I woke up and he had already been fed and was all smiles when Steven handed him over to me. We played and laughed for at least 45 minutes before he started getting cranky. At first, it was just a little fussing...that turned into crying...that turned into full on meltdowns every 5 minutes. I had to re-adjust him to make sure he wasn't scrunched and hurting. He was crying like he was in pain. He didn't seem to have gas and he pooped just fine, so I had no remedies to fix it. I felt helpless and sad that just being cuddled by me wasn't enough.

Steven got home and as soon as I handed Carter over, he stopped crying. That was like a twist of the knife. I assume it is because I can't walk him around, but that is just one more thing to add to the list of "Mommy can'ts". It sucks when you know what your baby needs but you can't help them. Even though I tried preparing myself for times like this before he arrived, I didn't realize how hard it would be. I am so thankful that I have a husband that takes on all of the things I can't.

On a brighter note, I saved us a ton of money by making the invitations to Carter's dedication ceremony by myself. I Googled "baptism invitations" and saved one of the sample ones and added my own stuff to it. They turned out way cute! All I have to do is get card stock to print it on, then I am going to attach a blue piece to the back and hot glue a bow to the top and voila! They will look pretty professional. I need to get this show on the road...they need to be printed and sent by next Sunday. His dedication is going to be in NY at the church we were married at. We still consider that to be our "church family" and want to share this special day with all of them.

Well...I had a rough day so I think I'll be going to bed soon. I am whooped and could really use a good night's sleep...we'll see if Carter will allow it!!

Could this be considered child abuse??

As a Browns fan, I was both saddened and embarrassed by daddy's choice of outfit for Carter today. I guess I'll let it slide since the Browns season is over. I'm guessing Carter is drunk again because he's a Browns fan and we don't smile while wearing a Steelers shirt.

Mr. Smiles

Carter started smiling socially last week and I wanted to share the joy that I get to see every day. He is such a beautiful and happy baby. I am so blessed to be his mommy.

Steven and I went on a date last night! My mom watched Carter while we went to Red Lobster. It was awesome and so yummy! We went out with another couple...it was nice to be around other adults. Since I am no longer breastfeeding, I decided to have a beer...which I got drunk off of! Its not too surprising since I have not had a drink since last March!!

We also went to Babies R Us because Carter needed some new clothes. He is fitting comfortably into newborn clothes and we just didn't get enough for him. We got him 2 sleepers, a fleece hoodie and pants, and jeans with a matching shirt.


He's just so cute!! Anyway, it was a fun night and I fully enjoyed it, but was also glad to get back home to my baby. Today, we are just lounging and ordering wings from Wing Street. I think its going to be our weekend ritual since "we" are on that no "fast food" diet, LOL!

We also got new phones today. Well, we ordered them...they're on their way. I am a huge gadget nut, so getting a new phone is like another birthday for me. Steven and I both decided on the G1. Its the phone made by Google. It is supposed to be comparable to the iPhone, so I am really excited to get my hands on it! It has so many cool features...and Google makes Blogger, so blogging should be pretty easy straight from the phone. I will surely write a review when it gets here!!

Hope you all have a great weekend!

Mommy's little tax deduction.

Did you know that no matter what month you have your baby in, you get to claim them on your taxes for the entire year?? Umm...wow! What a nice surprise! We will be able to start a nice savings for Carter in 8-15 days, LOL!

Oh yeah, the milk. I almost forgot about the milk. My boobs are starting to feel full after 3 days of no pumping...not bad! I think my theory of "if it hurts, get it out." really worked! The cabbage relieved the pain for the first couple of days and then I just did what I needed to do. The main thing to remember for all of you who asked for tips on drying up is that comfort is the most important thing. Just relieve the pain when you can't handle it and be patient!

Well, its Carter's bathtime, then its a bottle and bedtime! Hope you all have a great night!!

Finally...something that works!!

Please excuse my lack of make-up in the pictures...I'm a mom. Anyway...I looooooove the BabyBjorn!!!!!! Being disabled, things always work differently for me than they do for everyone else. Normally it is for the worse. When I put on the carrier, I was amazed! We are both very comfortable and I feel like Carter is secure enough for me to not have my hands on him like I did when he was in the sling. It was easy to put on and it seems to be very supportive. Honestly, I think I have finally found that one item I can't live without. I give it 5 stars and 2 thumbs up! I totally recommend it to any new mom who would love to have their hands back!

My BabyBjorn.

I just got my babybjorn today! I haven't used it yet because Carter has been in his swing...all day - - yes!! LOL, I put him down and he is OK with it!!!! You can imagine my excitement!

Carter had his Synagis this morning. The new nurse was very cool and she helped us figure out a few tricks for when Carter's gas hurts him. When she gave him the shot, he cried so hard. He is usually so tough, so I knew it really hurt. After that, he fell asleep in my arms until it was time to eat. I fed him and he cried so I put him in his swing and he watched Yo Gabba Gabba and fell asleep. My poor baby!

I am going to get some housework done. I'll post about the carrier as soon as we use it!

UPDATE: As far as the gas tips...she listened to Carter and said "he is definitely gassy from reflux." She said he was showing what is known as Strydor and said to hold him vertically, facing out with your hand holding his belly. He was crying and she showed me...he immediately stopped! She said all 3 of her kids had colic and something about that hold just makes everything better. I am going to try him facing out in the babybjorn and just support him a little extra...to mimic this hold. Hopefully it will be easy for me in my wheelchair.

Chugging along...

I am still going strong with no BFing...well technically I am still BFing because Carter still gets what I have in the refrigerator. I think we have 3 or 4 bags left now. I didn't pump at all yesterday and finally gave in around noon today. I only pumped about 5 or 6 oz total...I went for a little over 10 minutes...just until the pain subsided. Personally, I don't think that is bad for 2 days without pumping! I am feeling pretty good about it.

Today was supposed to be a productive day, but thanks to the world of Internet gaming, its been a pretty lazy day. Steven plays World of Warcraft with his brothers online. Now, I completely understand it is a way for them to connect across the miles (they're both in NY), but I miss hanging out with my husband. Since I have Carter all day, Steven does night feedings to give me a break. During the week he gets home from work and is so tired that we don't really hang out. On the weekends, he is pretty much on the computer non-stop, talking to his brothers on the phone the entire time. He always pauses if I need help with something, but goes right back. Its cool that he has a hobby and can connect with his family in this way because he and his brothers have always been so close...but what about this family? The computer is literally 20 feet from the couch, where I am usually sitting, but I couldn't feel further away when hes online.

Another thing that I hate is that he gets so into it that stuff doesn't get done in a timely fashion and I end up looking like the nag. The house will be messy until right before bedtime tonight. He'll blow through all of it then. My mom came in from work this morning and said she had gotten stuck in the driveway because of all the snow. We have a snowblower, but Steven was playing with his brothers last night and never got around to it. My mom doesn't do any of that stuff...I don't really know why. She'll just complain until I nag him enough to get it done. We are out of dog food and Steven has to go out and get more at some point. Bailey doesn't eat dog food, so he has already been fed, but Bianca is going to wonder where her dinner is shortly if he doesn't get with it! It sucks that the only person willing to do these things now is a) completely physically unable, and b) taking care of a baby. I just feel like I am stuck. I can't do it...and I can't get anyone else to either. OK...I am done venting about that! I know it will get done at the last minute tonight as it always does...so I should just be happy.

Carter gets his Synagis tomorrow. The nurse is coming at 11am. I hate when he has to get shots. I think I cry more than he does!! I also hate that they do it at home. This is supposed to be the safe place! My mom gets home from work at 9:30, so maybe she will hold him this time. I thought I could handle doing it last time...and I was wrong! This is his 3rd shot of 6. If our insurance pays for it, he will get 12. I hope it does because RSV is nothing to mess with. He had such a rough start. I just want him to be healthy now.

Well, Steven is off the computer and is now snuggling with Carter on the couch. At least I know that no matter what dumb hobby comes along, he is always going to be World's Best Dad! That's all that should matter. A clean driveway and a quiet mother are just luxuries!

I'm so confused...

OK, I am confused. I bound myself with Ace wraps. I put cabbage in my bra. I made it to 2pm yesterday until I felt like I was going to die...

Today I didn't do any of those things and I haven't pumped yet. It is 7:42pm. I am not even feeling full. I think maybe my pumping twice a day for the past week finally kicked in. I pumped once a day Thursday and yesterday...so I might be doing OK. I only want to pump when I am in pain, so I think I will let sleeping dogs lie. I will just put an extra pad in my bra tonight...maybe I won't leak much.

Carter's pacifiers came today. So far, so good! He took an hour nap earlier and it never fell out, which usually would wake him up right away. He had a hurty fart earlier and managed to keep the paci in for the cringe at the beginning and the 10 second cry at the end! Then he just resumed sucking on it like nothing happened! So, I give the Gumdrop Pacifier 2 thumbs up!

OK...we are expecting our delivery from Wing Street any minute. Steven's New Year's resolution was to eat no fast food. Please don't tell him pizza and wings would be considered "fast food"...otherwise I will starve to death!!

In the meantime...Carter is watching Noggin. I swear that's the face he makes when any show with vibrant colors comes on. If we turn it, he cries!

(He's playing a memory game that came on between Backyardigans and WonderPets. He totally knew where the pink flowers were!)

I caved.

I pumped at 2 o' clock. I was in excruciating pain and leaking everywhere. I am going to pump once or twice a day for the next week to lower my supply more, then try again. The cabbage worked well for the engorgement...definitely made it less painful, but I think I could lower my supply a bit first to lessen the leakage and the engorgement. Why not? Right??

What's all over your shirt??

Day 2 of drying up is upon me. I made the misake of taking no precautions before bed last night. At Carter's 1st feeding, I was just a bit moist, but nothing to worry about. When we woke up at 6:30, I was pretty much soaked from my neck to my waist. So, I cleaned up and started with the old binding and cabbage routine. It feels good...but smells awful! I guess I left it on too long because I just leaked through, and I was wearing breast pads under my ace wrap! It's gonna be a long couple of weeks for me!

Carter is crying, so I will wrap this up. Hope you all have a great weekend!

Hey Carter...WAKE UP!!

Carter had another sleepy day. He literally slept most of the day. Right through a play date with my friend's little boy, Brady. He is finally up now but we just gave him his Gripe Water so he's drunk again in his swing. I'm thinking of calling Dr. Drew for this addiction. He's only 2 months old and already needs rehab!

I am going to stop pumping. I beat myself up about stopping long enough...I am done. Feeding my baby has become a chore...and I don't want that. I feel like we will bond better if I don't have to endure something I hate just to sort-of fill the bottle I'm giving him. I brought him from 3.14 to 8.11...and I feel very good about that. My milk supply isn't where it needs to be and Carter latches when he feels like it. He got a great latch earlier but when I switched breasts, it took about 15-20 minutes to latch again. In a way, I feel like I'm giving up...but I know I took it as long as I could and I am OK with ending it on a good note...a note just short of 9 pounds!

So I am calling the OB tomorrow about drying up. 2 months was a good run but the relief of not lactating will feel so good and I will have that much more time to enjoy my precious angel. No more engorgement or leaking...ahh!!

2 months and 4 shots.

Carter had his 2 month well visit today with the pediatrician. He was weighed there last week and was 8lbs 1oz...so I wasn't expecting too much of a change. Well...if you call 10oz not much of a change!! Yes that's right. Carter weighs 8lbs 11oz!! He gained so much in 7 days! He is now 21 inches long. Last month he was 18 in.

The doctor said he is gaining great and is in the 3rd percentile for full-term babies! Only 1 more month of the NeoSure and we can switch to Similac Sensitive!! She did admit that it could be the cause of his gas...finally! I will try to continue as she wants, but if the Gripe Water stops working, I'm throwing in the towel. Carter's comfort is a big priority to me. Anyway, she is very pleased with everything. She even mentioned how small his hernia is. That made me feel very relieved.

He also had his 2 month shots. He had 4 injections and 1 oral medicine. He screamed from the oral and only cried for a few seconds after the actual shots! I cried longer than he did!! He was such a little champ. Now, we just have to get through his Synagis on Monday. Yuck!

Overall it was a good appointment. Carter has been sleeping pretty much all day. He woke up twice to eat and get his Tylenol, but other than that, he's out cold. It's kinda nice to have some down time to check in here and to watch TV. Now if I could just get my husband to relax right next to me...

I'd like to thank the Academy...

Thank you so much Tina!!

I have been given the both the Kreativ Blogger and Lemonade Awards! I am supposed to pass these on to 6 other bloggers who show "attitude and gratitude", so here are just a few of the girls I owe my sanity to...

• Sara at Gas Passer AKA UUer
• Tara at A Run For My Money
• Jen at Here We Go Again
• Lisa at My Journey Through Infertility
• Sully at Musings Of A Barren-ess
• S.E. at Riding The Roller Coaster
  

My drunk baby!?

To the advice given by my fellow blogger (and supermom) Tina, I just gave Carter his 1st dose of Gripe Water. I must say he finally seems happy and is acting completely euphorically drunk! He's just staring and smiling! I am crossing my fingers and toes that we have finally found our remedy for Carter's hurty farts!!

Thank you all for your encouraging words yesterday. I just felt so helpless. I know every mother has their days, but I didn't realize how bad it could be. I am now feeling much better and I am ready to take each day head-on...good, bad, or ugly! That's what motherhood is all about and I am just thankful that I am blessed enough to know!

Losing control...

Sometimes I feel like I am the worst mother. Today Carter is having a bad day. We've tried everything we can think of to fix it. I am pretty sure he has what I call "hurty farts"...which is just my fancy way of saying "painful gas". We just got him down for a nap but I know he'll be up soon to eat again. I am dreading it. Yeah, I totally want to pump him full of my "poisoned" breastmilk and give him even more gas.

Ever since we cut down breastmilk and started adding formula, he's been less gassy. Whatever is in my milk that is so awful for him is what makes his tummy hurt so bad. I've tried everything and can't figure out what it is that I eat that disagrees with him. I feel like its just me. I wanted nothing more than to continue working with him to latch on, but I just can't subject him to 100% breastmilk. Not unless I can think of whatever needs to be removed from my diet. I wonder if caffeine could do it?!

I guess I just feel bad that I'd rather have a sleeping baby. When he's asleep, he doesn't cry. We've cashed out close to 2 bottles of Mylicon now. It helps, but not totally. I'm going to ask the doctor what she can do at his appointment on Tuesday. One thing I know I'm going to do is switch him from NeoSure to Similac Sensitive. That should help a bit.

Is it normal to feel like a bad mom sometimes? I feel like he likes Steven better because he doesn't cry as much for him. Its not because he's with him less because he is a very involved dad. He does the majority of Carter's care.

OK...we have crying. Me and Seahorse are going to tackle this one. I'll be back! Pray for me!

That was easy...

As I was trying to reflect on the past year of my blogging life, only one title really fits. From getting pregnant at all...to having a perfect baby 7 weeks early, I am blessed to have beaten the odds and will continue to do it until the day the good Lord brings me home! So...here it is.

Beating The Odds.

A blog by any other name...

I'm thinking of changing my blog's name...the IVF part of IVFing Life is long gone now. I don't want a whole new blog...just a change, as my life has changed. It will probably take awhile for me to pick the perfect new name, but I think I'm going to go ahead and do it.

I just ordered a few Gumdrop Pacifiers. I hear they are better than the Soothies that Carter loves so much. I will be sure to post about them when they arrive. I am crossing my fingers because I think the round shape of the Soothie makes it pop out of his mouth easier...and he really gets upset when he's sucking away and all of a sudden his binky is gone! Poor guy!!

Today's mission of figuring out my new sling was shot down by a very cranky baby that turned into a very sleepy baby. I anticipate a very hungry baby very soon...to be followed by a very tired mommy that is not interested in the least with wearing her baby or anything else other than a comfy pair of fleece pants and a hoodie. Ugh...motherhood! I love it though!!