Normally, I do not blog about the negative things in life...I feel like if I put them out there for the world to see, then I will be faced with the reality of how I feel. Well, this is just something I cannot shake and I need to get it off my chest.
I thought getting my tubes tied was the right thing. My body really didn't handle my last pregnancy very well and when I had my c-section, my OB even told me that I had a really thin spot on my uterus that could've ruptured. So, why do I feel so wrong about the fact that I am done having kids? I feel like my situation just isn't fair. I grew up saying that I would have lots of babies. I wanted kids crawling all over me as I got older. Don't get me wrong, I am thankful for what I have...but the worst thing I hear (and I hear it a lot) is "Well, you have the perfect family. One boy and one girl." OK, so is that supposed to make me feel complete? Because it really doesn't. Another thing I have heard that frustrates me is "Be happy that you have the 2 that you have. Don't be selfish." Really?? I have been through the crazy emotional world of infertility...I know how to be thankful for what I have. But does it really make me selfish for wanting lots of children? Its not like I want to be Octomom or Michelle Duggar (not that I think they're wrong for having as many as they do...I get it.) I just wish I could've chosen how many children I wanted and said "OK, I'm done." when I truly felt complete.
I know there is always adoption or surrogacy, but I just wish things were easier. God knows the plan for my life...I just wish I did, too. I love my children more than anything in the world. That is absolutely true. I am very blessed and I will continue to be thankful for my perfect babies. I hope this awful feeling passes eventually. It isn't an easy one to deal with.
5 comments:
I know exactly how you feel honey! I feel extremely blessed to have had at least one...but there are so many times that I can't help but feel cheated. I hope this feeling passes for both of us :(.
Liz (from the old BBC)
Candi,
Often times peoples comments just blow me away....I know you know you are blessed, but your feelings are your feelings and it irritates me when people just make off-handed comments without realizing the gravity of what they are saying. I am sorry. Praying peace for you and you never have to apologize for how you feel. ((HUGS)) to you my sweet friend!!!!!
I know what you're saying. The sad truth is that life isn't fair ... in fact it sucks some times!
I work with a number of young women who are all experiencing infertility. (What is with THAT??) They either have no children yet or have one and would love to have more. They're all in good relationships and are finacially and emotionally secure ... and yet motherhood alludes them. To make matters worse, we work in a school where pregnant 13 year olds abound!!
In my family, we've all suffered from secondary infertility, meaning that in a cruel twist of fate, we conceive naturally and easily the first time ... only to be shocked when it doesn't happen again. *sigh*
I'm sorry that you feel cheated ... and I understand that feeling ... I wish that all of the moms in the world who SHOULD have lots of babies could have them and the lousy moms would be infertile.
You poor thing! You know everyone is saying something to try to make you feel better, but I've heard those things before and haven't taken it well either.
I do think it's for the best for you, which sounds like you know, as health-wise another pregnancy would not be good, which is the same for me too.
Try to work through your feelings. These are feeling of grief, and you need to have them. You've had a loss of being able to easily do what should come easy for everyone. Work through your grief, but it will take time and think that there must be some thing in the universe's master plan for you.
(((Hugs)))
Wow your story is amazing. Look at all God has done in your life. I landed on your site because my tubes were tied because of the same thing. Neither my husband nor I wanted it, but I did want and need to be there for my children. It has been 6 years and I am a little nervous because I feel like I might be pregnant and I am afraid to take a test. Our God is a BIG God. He is in control and He can do anything regardless of our circumstances. Try to be content with what you have. Remember the verse I have learned to be content in all things. Contentment is learned. If is not automatic. Pray in all things. He will give you the desires of your heart. Just remember He know s what is best for you. Trust God. Renew your mind. You are blessed and loved.
Marti
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